art, call, money, way of life

Life changing situation

After so much time spent in Serbia in desperation and hopelessnes with desire to live and travel but not wanting to work some shity boring job with difficulties to study to got some better oppurtunity…

Anyway i have to offer a lot, but often employers with good working conditions are asking for diploma or so.

So I am on the wild side. Lets call it alternative way.

And I got lucky to visit France for three months for free, so I feel happy, excited and supported from above about my way of life.

My plan is to stay, study acting which I like, find some job and rarely return to Serbia.

Money issues and finally difficulties on the path called call.

So wish me luck to succeed 🙂

Sending loving positive thoughts about my life and so on yours.

art, enlightment, way of life

When things does not work

When things does not work, no matter how hard you try, let shits go. And wait, something nice might appear on the path, but I just expect shits outa of mine head or inside of it even if something nice is going on…

So after so much time spent in unhappiness and suffering I am going to France, thinking that it will be better because I will have time to sleep and rearly wake up in cosiness of my soul, just my dream was to be in the arms of one man.

From many reason we can not maintain relationship, meeting or so and hurts a bunch. Or simply makes me mad one day, another sad, floating with a music like lost soul in the cage because a world I wanna meet is wild place to be.

Perhaps I just miss that guy and worst of all is knowing that we can not be together.

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Hi

Reading my previous post and think that I complain to much, forgeting on nice things and miracles which keeps happening in the daily life.

So with this post I wish to send some good vibes, positivity, prayers and good intentions.

Do not wait for anything except yourself and worship that piece of art!

Love, hug, kiss yourself and dance with a rain and sun.

Walk with a God.

My road was full of desperation, hopelesness and lack of trust and faith which is returned to me in simple moment of bringing myself to hear and now. My road was full, as well of nice things and lovely moments.

I learned to wait for stormes to pass, now I am learning to dance with stormes…

All life is learning and unlearning over again discovering different patterns and opening many possibilities to make sunshine pass trough your doors.

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Story of my life

So to begin. Many words and notes are noted above as a prayer for the happier life and call which I don’t have here, where I live in. Serbia, Belgrade. I am more than ashamed, provoked, humilitated, offended, molestated and bothered. Exposed to publicity and open fire.

So I wake up and say myself enough is enough, I have to move on, suddenly situation is changed untill the end where I am without motiviation, will or anything which is necesserar to move on with a life.

So, I am actress, writer, teacher, sociologist without a job or even oppurtunity to have one.

Days are long, full of worries and anxiety.

Got invitation from one guy to move to France to sometime and try life there. Job, university or so. I am afraid and excited at the same time as I do not know what to expect and as well I do not have to give anything in return.

Acting and settling down in Hollywood is long dream and journey but I am in touch with some producers, wishing good luck to myself with it.

I am not happy with my body, as they hospitilazied me few times and gave medicametions for bipolar disorders and I gain weight. To much desperation, to much sleeping and not in the mood to do anything in this place or country.

The place where I live in with my mother is nice and I love keeping it clean, but my relationship with family, friends and people here is more than terrible. Its based on manipulation and abusivness, with lack of compassion and understanding.

So, me just thinking about my returning home and to state gaves me nightmares even before I leave. I am terrified with a nation and things they did and do to specific individual, in this case, me.

I have been spyed and followed by them, and yes they are here while me trying to explain the way i feel about them. I left them on their own, helped when i could and asked nothing in return except peace and silence and to let me live free my life and find a way, but they simple appear to be big obstacle on the way.

Every time I am about to start something new and help my life I finish in the hospital or there is drama made and me involved in it. Isnt that strange?

Getting used of such conditions and projected reality makes my being sad and desperate untill i wake up and decide to make first step. I made many, worked on myself and nothing yet is being materialazed which gives me hope that one day will be.

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Dream

When I grow up, I will be an actress and have love of my life. Dream came true, but something has been pulling me down, relationship was more important to me than studies so I left acting and my ex left me.

Now I am at the bottom of my life, watching it in ruins, with no graduation, without a partner, without a job and with difficulties to motivate myself and start something new.

I am back to sociology but nothing makes me happy, i feel guilt from letting go of my studies of acting which was important to me, which has been my dream. And this facts hurts me.

Mad on that guy that now i dont have nothing, no job, no money and being in misery with no motivation and optimistic view about future.

Everything seem sad, desperate and hopeless with hope that some help from above will come as i gave best from myself as nothing is manifasted.

My mind is directed to get a job abroad in some communities in nature travel and accept new partner in my life.

Untill than i sit like a panda waiting for this heavy times, moments, days and months to pass.

Waiting life to pass as i am really tired of trying.