So to begin. Many words and notes are noted above as a prayer for the happier life and call which I don’t have here, where I live in. Serbia, Belgrade. I am more than ashamed, provoked, humilitated, offended, molestated and bothered. Exposed to publicity and open fire.
So I wake up and say myself enough is enough, I have to move on, suddenly situation is changed untill the end where I am without motiviation, will or anything which is necesserar to move on with a life.
So, I am actress, writer, teacher, sociologist without a job or even oppurtunity to have one.
Days are long, full of worries and anxiety.
Got invitation from one guy to move to France to sometime and try life there. Job, university or so. I am afraid and excited at the same time as I do not know what to expect and as well I do not have to give anything in return.
Acting and settling down in Hollywood is long dream and journey but I am in touch with some producers, wishing good luck to myself with it.
I am not happy with my body, as they hospitilazied me few times and gave medicametions for bipolar disorders and I gain weight. To much desperation, to much sleeping and not in the mood to do anything in this place or country.
The place where I live in with my mother is nice and I love keeping it clean, but my relationship with family, friends and people here is more than terrible. Its based on manipulation and abusivness, with lack of compassion and understanding.
So, me just thinking about my returning home and to state gaves me nightmares even before I leave. I am terrified with a nation and things they did and do to specific individual, in this case, me.
I have been spyed and followed by them, and yes they are here while me trying to explain the way i feel about them. I left them on their own, helped when i could and asked nothing in return except peace and silence and to let me live free my life and find a way, but they simple appear to be big obstacle on the way.
Every time I am about to start something new and help my life I finish in the hospital or there is drama made and me involved in it. Isnt that strange?
Getting used of such conditions and projected reality makes my being sad and desperate untill i wake up and decide to make first step. I made many, worked on myself and nothing yet is being materialazed which gives me hope that one day will be.